10.21.02
people said that 9.11 was going to change things forever and i doubted them. other than diverting attention and funds from the significant everyday needs of our country, i don't know that it has had a standing impact. this crazy fuck over here, terrorizing the nation's capitol has a bigger affect in my opinion. granted he's only killed ten next to thousands, but momentary terror is different than living in terror. now do we even have a glimpse of what life is like in the middle east? and by we, i of course mean the residents of the dc metro area. this is ego i guess. if i had been in new york on 9.11 perhaps i would have felt as i do now, or worse. probably worse. but how can i be expected to know. i can't. but i also can't deal with my ignorant friends that refuse to visit because of one man and his gun. why is human sensitivity so stunted? i wouldn't argue with the statement that human nature is self-interested. survival, right? but i also believe that there are grave consequences to the zealous individualism that we practice, especially in this country. what an awful cycle. so, when is it not about me? is there ever such a time? i believe that individualism can be held responsible for many of our social problems. and i absolutely include fear of commitment in that catagory. i blame individualism for the divorce rate. it 'benefits' us in so many other ways that this consequence has evaded us. but i think that acknowledging this is key to building strong relationships. our social environment has pushed us to hold ego much higher than love, as the ever-reliable entity. i wonder why we should trust ourselves any more than another person. many times i have found others to be better friends. there are too many standards, too many ways to fail and so the fear is pervasive. why risk? i don't need to tell you the answer to that, i know. it's much too much to add to this. you have to absolutely risk. choice is what makes life vibrant. to love is to risk. to give everything and expect nothing back. to grasp at the pure opposite of ego, but never to attain it. because we know that the answer to any debate of absolutes is neither. the only question worth answering is the one whose answer is both. love and ego. but for all intents and purposes, ego is or should be love of oneself. thus love and love. and risk all around. and choice. and balance.